Letters to the Upparwalla!


(Wow! BlogAdda made my day! :) )

Prologue: I have been SO so SO so lazy, busy and blank, that I stopped writing posts altogether. But then, on reflection, I thought I owed this one to the unseen forces above. Hence, this post!

LETTER #1
To
The Gods Above,
1, "All Roads Lead to Heaven" Road,
Heaven - 000000

15.06.2010

From
UnFaithful Earthling
Somewhere on Earth - Does the pin code matter?

Sir/Ma'am,
SUB: Complaint Regarding Services Rendered

            This is to bring to your kind attention, the highly unsatisfactory services being rendered to me, not at all in keeping with the Contract signed during my release to the Earth. Further, I wish to register a complaint regarding the following key issues:
  1. Interaction With Irritating People: According to Clause 4 of my Contract which you have also signed, it was mutually agreed by both parties, that during my peaceful stay on Earth, my interaction with irritating people would be kept to as minimum as possible. However, this clause has been brutally violated. Please find evidence of me pulling of my hair, attached in Appendix A.
  2. Work: According to Clause 1(A), the very first clause of my Contract, I cannot be subjected to any kinds of work. It was agreed and signed upon, that my means of "Earning" my living would be through extensive Traveling, photography, writing random blogs, talking incessantly, watching shows on TV, reading books and writing reviews of stupid movies. It was also mentioned that if possible, you would be using your influence to earn me a job on a Travel channel like Travel and Living or Good Times. Need I even mention what a blatant and gross breach of my contract has taken place in this case, considering where I am writing this letter from? (Read Office) Attached in Appendix B - proof that I am proficient at all the above mentioned activities.
  3. English Speaking: According to Clause 10, it was made amply clear in written terms that English would be my medium of communication. It was also added as a Sub-Claus, considering that I would be speaking English for at least 95% of my life, my right to judge people on the basis of English would be justified and also, that this behavior of mine, would not be used against me in any manner, especially on the pretext of "Bad Karma". Why, may I ask, have you ignored this Clause so openly?
There are several more issues, but for starters, I think we should work on these. I would be obliged if you could reply back ASAP.

Looking forward to your reply,
Yours faithfully,
You Know Me.

LETTER #2

Re: SUB: Complaint Regarding Services Rendered
Dear Sir/Ma'am
      Clearly, you did not receive my earlier letter. Please find attached the Courier Receipt. I would be obliged if you could track it down and revert back to me ASAP.

Looking forward to your reply,
Yours faithfully,

You Know Me.
      
LETTER #3

Re: Re: SUB: Complaint Regarding Services Rendered
Dear Sir (You can't possibly be Ma'am. So callous?)
      So, I tracked down the receipt and it turns out, you did after all, receive the courier on the same day itself, and in fact you signed it personally before receiving it. That's okay. No hard feelings. Kindly look into the matter ASAP.

Desperately Looking forward to your reply,
Yours faithfully,
By now, You most definitely Know Me.


LETTER #4

Re: Re: Re: Re: SUB: Complaint Regarding Services Rendered
For All I Care
        I assume your lack of response was due to the heavy number of complaints you handle everyday. It is justified and I am waiting patiently. But, in the meantime, I have decided to try out some reverse psychology on you. I am taking off this weekend to try out a temporary Sanyas, only to please you. During this period, I will be locked in a room (with AC), with access to Internet and TV only. I will eat nothing except for the gourmet food that will be ordered or made for me. I will bear it all, to please you. Please make a note of my loyalty to you.

Waiting.. Lalalalala...
Muhahahaaa! :D
Me.


LETTER #5

Re: Re: Re: SUB: Complaint Regarding Services Rendered
Dear Someone Up There
        The Sanyas would have worked if people around me had not stopped me half way through it. But it's okay. Perseverance was a quality you personally inserted in my ROM.  I am already thinking of other ways of pleasing you. In the meantime, kindly consider my letter seriously.


Whatever.

Sigh.

Me.


Epilogue:Still waiting for concrete action.

Signing out,
Me!

Comments

  1. the letters keep on becoming shorter in length and precisely to the point!!! :)

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  2. @Truth.. Heylo! Long time? :)
    Yeah, well, the next letter might be just a simple note with the word "Please". :D

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  3. All the best Preeti, may you get the desired response soon :)

    I have a feeling he(she :P) is listening. If it does workout, do send me the details :P, I could do with a job on Travel and Living too :D

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  4. @Arbitthoughts: Thanks ya! I'll let you know what finally managed to please Him (I am quite sure about the gender now!). Warning though, it will take a lot of hard work and sanyas! ;) :D

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  5. Oh...a great effort to get him to reply back, but I'll suggest a shorter way ....how do you ensure that your concerns stand out amongst the burgeoning indian population who believes in the use of special effects, melodrama and of/course massive bribing...??? Solution - Watch some Hindi movies and some crap K serials and you'll see how instantaneous the effects are...even dead people can come back 5 times !!!!

    On a separate note, u dont need to try your sophisticated sanyaas et al :D, All one needs is a clear heart and conscience, which luckily, you already possess, so he'll get back to you anyways!!! dont expect a quick reply, coz he wants to always be in touch with ppl. whom he likes :); and if he solves all your issues at once, you'll probably stop writing those letters to him!

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  6. @Kamayani: Ma'am, thanks for the gyan filled comment! ;)
    Right-o about the K-Serial bit. If this doesn't work out, nect step would be the mandir ka ghanta!;) Oh and thanks for the compliment on the "clear heart and conscience".
    @God: Are you listening? Please find attached recommendations from friends. Now can you do it? :D

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  7. Did he respond yet? If yes, please mention me in your 'Thank you' mail and mark me too, I will send him my mail as a continuation!

    Ooh, I like the idea of the sanyaas, it will be tough, but I will manage! :D

    Loved this post!

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  8. @DI: *Bows* Glad you liked it! :)
    Sigh. If only he responds back. I myself would have a continuation book of complaints to send. Will mark you too, just highlight all the common ones and we'll pass it on. Let's not overburden him? ;)
    And the sanyas is very tough. Really. Sab ke bas ki nahin hai! :D

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  9. OMG how do you manage to think of these ideas :D

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  10. Hey Preeti Thanks to BlogAdda I have just discovered your fantastic blog. This post was really hilarious and I could relate with it completely....lallalaaa Muhahhaaaa? LOL..I have a complaint for services rendered too..DO BLOG MORE! Your loyal follower hence forth..:D
    Vibz

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  11. Baalikey, this is your GOD speaking. You complain too much. That's why some of my assistants are pissed off with you. Big time. Just take it easy all right. Stop complaining and you'll get everything you need. By the way, that was quite an inspiration for many of your followers. Writing these complaint letters and all, I mean. I'm sure to get a lot of letters like these from now on. Thanks to you. OK, I'm off to pub with a few friends now. Catch ya later, Baalikey. See ya.

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  12. Oh, I forgot to say.
    Tathasthu!

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  13. @CelestialRays: :) Thanks! Glad to have found a reader! :)

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  14. Hi Vibz!
    Thanks for stopping by! :)
    Will try to blog more, but as mentioned in the post, I need to have my complaints attended to, so I can blog in peace! :D

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  15. That's some creative thinking!!! :-)

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  16. Haha.This was hilarious. Complete and pure fun. If that is Sanyas, then I'd also like to try it out :-) Truly, you're a master of fine humor with such imaginative and innovative ideas. Keep coming up with more. And He will eventually listen to you. Just that sometimes He needs a little coaxing and sulking to get His attention(if these don't help, then throw tantrums). And then see. Aakhir kab tak He'll keep ignoring you? :D
    PS: I think I've written a mini-post here :D

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  17. This was so entertaining...hhehe
    Dropped over from Blogadda :)

    I love humorous posts and yours was too good..

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  18. @Ajay: Thanks! :)
    You are right, ya. Will have to try out the sulking and tantrums bit! Might just work! :D

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  19. @Lazy Pineapple: Thanks! :)
    And welcome here! :)

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  20. @Karthik: Hey Bhagwan! Thank you Sir, for the personal response to me. But, thanks to your response on a public forum, now you will get a lot of complaints. Ab Bhugto! :D

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  21. "writing random blogs".... it seems that God has agreed on one subpoint of clause 1(A), you can't get HER[:P] to agree on all the points !!!

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  22. haaahahahaha god must ne so busy replying letters like these that he must have missed your out :D
    that was an awesome awesome post :D
    totally enjoyed reading it :D

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  23. @Truth..: True, but then I am not earning anything by writing random blogs. I want HIM [:D] to pay me for this! ;)

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  24. @Rajilakshmi: Thanks! :)
    Do hop over more often! :)

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  25. Heylo back namesake, :)
    This post made me chuckle (ok, not chuckle really considering i am reading it before i have had my first cup of coffee , while waiting for kettle to boil :)
    Which is a BIG deal..It is not so easy to extract a smile out of me, unless it is for book cover photos :D
    Cheers
    preeti :)

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  26. @Namesake: Hehee. I must say the pics on your blog are pretty misleading that way. I thought you were a generally "smiling person"! ;)
    Thanks for stopping by! :)

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  27. Congrats on the blogadda pick :)

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  28. :D :D :D

    You have some imagination lady!!! Kya chitthi hai! Perhaps the upparwalla... has sent his response via snailmail ;)

    P.S. Congrats on the tangy pick! Way to go!

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  29. Preets, Wow, tangy pick and all eh :) congrats congrats... :)
    Since u already thinking of flying up to Piyu's and I'm gate crashing her place, we are in for a treat ;)

    Congrats..

    U call him upperwalla, me too... and when I say that fellow on top or upperwalla ppl give me how can u looks! ;)

    reading the post

    How did I miss this one

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  30. Poor guy re, no wonder he isn't replying to mine too.. Preeti, let him answer mine then urs.. alphabetical order u c :) ;)

    let's go in for some kind of strike plan... morcha! no hunger strike...

    :)

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  31. @Roshmi: Hehe! :D Thanks! :)
    Snailmail. Heh. I'll wait. Hmmpph!

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  32. @PnA: Thanks! :)
    Oye, party ke liye I have to FLY down, you just have to hop over. On top of that party bhi main de rahi hoon? Thoda reham karo, I'll come and you guys throw me a party! :P :D

    Arrey by alphabetical order too, I come before you! :) Yayy! :) (Long story, South Indian hoon, so initials come before name!)


    Hunger strike bhi acha idea hai! You do it, I'll watch the response and then try it! :P ;)

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  33. :-) Was of course kidding! :-)
    Now really smiling reading your reply :-)

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  34. An awesome post Preeti :D
    So many times I have thought on the same lines of writing to the unseen almighty, but never had I ever thought on the lines of writing it in my blog :D
    Brilliant selection of words and very well executed :)

    Keep up the good work for I'd love to drop by often :D

    Cheers!!

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  35. I find this blog very interesting and will return soon

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  36. LOL. Your post made my evening. Is anyone up there listening? :D
    Chinkurli

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  37. @Namesake Preeti: :) Welcome back! :)

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  38. LOL...Loved it...Let me know when u receive a response and please attach the final copy of your communication. I wanna use that :)

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  39. @Chatterbox: Thanks! Welcome here. My suggestion - Do write your letter too, and post it on the blog! Would love to read other people's take on this! :)

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  40. @Chinkurli: Glad I made you smile! :D

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  41. @Dil..: Aap kataar mein hain! :D

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  42. Wow..nice post..and it seems like you are a big time blogger :)so many comments.

    Thanks for those lovely comments on my blog. Your profile says u r "connoisseur of English language " I wonder you will like my blog once you read all those grammatically retarded posts on my blog. Anyways nice to see a fellow engineer's blog and For a change, of a gal engineer. :)

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  43. @Crap: ;)
    No no no!! Not a big time blogger AT ALL! This is the first time I have got so many comments! And thanks for helping me inch towards my 1st half century! :)
    I think I need to change my intro now. Its such a gross over-exagerration of the tuchcha skills I have! :D

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  44. No,it's not gross or exaggeration. There's a bit of a narcissist in all of us. And don't say your skills are tuchcha or else it'd be deemed as gross humbleness :D Congrats for Tangy Tuesday. And yeah, helping you complete the 1st half-century :-)

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  45. @Ajay: 50!!!!
    Yayyy! :)
    Thanks a ton, Ajay! :D

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  46. I really enjoyed it. Next to whom?

    a href="http://www.workathomeforum.in"> Work At Home In India </a

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  47. Hi Preeti,

    We, Delhi Blog-a-ton members are meeting on 4th July in Connaught place on the occasion of B-A-T first anniversary.
    Would you like to join in?

    You can write to me at:
    er.richa.sharma@gmail.com

    For more details:
    http://blog-a-ton.blogspot.com/2010/06/blog-ton-meet-in-full-swing-contact.html

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  48. delightful post !!!u are one funny lady ..

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  49. Dear UnFaithful Earthling,

    Did you not read clause 579?? Which clearly stated that I have supreme authority and can change any clause as I see fit? Well I did see fit so changed clause to suite me. It is so much fun to watch you earthlings to dance to my every whim. :s

    Thanks for waiting for the response.
    The God Above

    PS: let it be a lesson to you, to not sign any contract without reading it fully :k

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  50. @Comfy Bhagwan:
    Getting back at you for this. Consulting my lawyers and thinking of suiing "The God Above" for this. You lured me with chocolates before making me sign the contract. That's just illegal.
    You wait! :c

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  51. absolutely amazing stuff......i guess uparwallah wud have been pretty embarresed abt it wen he actually reads it....

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  52. @Abhishek: Hehee! :c
    Yeah. Hope so. :i

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  53. Loved reading it.
    the frustration is apparent :P
    Did you get a reply? :P

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