Showing posts from April, 2016

Z for Zip, Zap Zoom.

I can only hope that if and when I have kids, they will recognize the hard work that Mommy put into making sure they remember alphabets easily.

A for Airtel, the network that doesn't work.
B for Bangalore Roads, they'll always give you a jerk.

C for Crap, your last resort when you are stuck.
D for Deep Thinking, to fool people when you are out of luck

E for Enough, life mein kitna hai kaafi?
F for Fussy Veg Eaters, they don't even drink tea or coffee.

G for Give Up, sometimes (only sometimes), it's okay.
H for Household Chores, question the stereotypes everyday!

I for Indian Cooking, it's much more than daal and roti bread.
J for Jo Jo, just go sleep on the inviting bed.

K for K Serials. Why the TV you should disown.
L for Lunch. Never ever have it alone.

M for Middle, you're halfway through, but there's half more.
N for No, when your Mommy stood for herself and swore. 

O for Old Memories, when you grow up, they'll amuse.
P for Pratham Sthan. Life is a race. But someti…

Y for Yawn

I hate my yawn. 
My yawn is too big. Once, when I was eighth standard, in the English period, the teacher was talking about subject verb agreement. Suddenly, she said, "The crocodile yawns with a wide mouth." The whole classes poured into the Wren and Martin to find the sentence she was reading out. I sat frozen in my seat. I slowly looked up at her and there she was, smiling and winking at me.
I was the crocodile she was referring to. I yawn with a wide wide mouth.
And it's not just that. 
When I yawn with a wide mouth, I get tears in my eyes. I even read up the scientific explanation for this. The tear gland situated right below the eye gets compressed when one yawns. And when one yawns as wide as me, there is but little option for the tears to come streaming out of the eyes making me look teary eyed. Many people have asked me worried, "Are you crying?", to which I nonchalantly reply, "Yes. What you just said. It was just so. Emotional."
I also…

X for Find X

Q1. Seema is 24 years old. Her Mom's age is twice her age, minus the number of iPhones she bought between 2011 and 2016, which is equal to the number of iPhones released between this period, minus the number of times they actually didn't have much to upgrade and yet, made a big deal out of it, just so people would go buy a new phone. What is her Mom's age?
Q2. Kavita was given some money on her birthday. She wanted to be smart and save this money for the future. But suddenly, her phone beeped and in came in a notification from a random e-commerce company, saying, "Hi Kavita! It has been a while since you shopped with us. We are giving you 90% discount. Please come back." Kavita, being the sweetheart that she is, could not stop herself from pressing ok. In the next one hour, she bought herself 4 pairs of jeans, each costing Rs 1,000, of which she didn't really need 2. She also bought shoes, which she knew for a fact would not fit, but had to buy, because loafer…

W for Wonder

Sometimes I wonder why things are the way they are. Why Indian sports doesn't have money, but now has a film star.
Why we like hearing shouting matches on our news, And in real life, mostly, swallow our views.
I also wonder why newspapers have so many ads, Is it to increase the income of the Kabbaddi's Dads?
And what is the logic for wasting all those papers? Is it so that trees are forever replaced by skyscrapers?
If making skyscrapers was the end game, Will Twinkle Twinkle  Little Star ever mean the same?
When little kids innocently ask us to show them stars Will we have to change the topic and instead show them polluting cars?
I wonder if in the future we can bribe our children. With random videos and iPad apps which by then will be a billion.
Maybe they will also have short attention spans Like all us adults who are Internet fans.
I wonder if Internet was man's most genius invention Crafted by a devil to forever divert our attention.
I wonder how I landed on Waada Raha Pyaar Se Pyaar Ka …

V for Vendetta

Tonight would be the final strike. They could hardly contain their excitement.

The leaves rustled and started sloganeering slowly, till the sound of swishing trees haunted the air.
Little rivulets started exercising their might collectively, so they could make some noise.
The rocks started shifting their weight and slowly moved step by step down the hill till they gained momentum and started rolling down at high speed. This was the final strike.
The animals in the jungles sat in the caves and waited for pandemonium to prevail, so they could rule once again. So they could roam around free, where they had a right to be.
The clouds thundered under the command of a lightening. The lightening, their compass and leader, pointed towards habitation. 
Everything came together.
Somewhere a weather station erupted and a news broadcaster shouted above all the din to noone in particular, "God knows what's happening. It has been raining incessantly since 40 hours. Rocks are falling. Trees are swa…

U for U

Datz rite. Im talkin abt u.

U dint get it?? Wat? U dont know English or wat?

How come you dunno u? U means You. Took me 1.5 milliseconds to write dat 3 letter word. Never make me do dat again. K?

While we r at it, pliss also dont tell me 2 write long letters to u. U know I hate it. 4 a while now, I havnt written, as u wlda guessed. Who has the time dese days??? 

I dunno why u haf such a problem wid ma fine English. I am jus savin time. 

Y write 3 letters when u can get away wid 1. If I send 50 Whatsapps in a day, I save approx 55 seconds. 55 seconds. Dats the difference between Usain Bolt and the unknown guy who came second. Dats why I save all dis time.

Wat do I do wid ma extra time, u ask? Well. Fb. Twitter. Snapchat. A lot of cool stuff. Stuff u dont know about coz u r old now. Yah. Dats rite. Old.

In ma free time, Ive started translating some of the complicated English u oldies use, into simple formats. Some day ur kids will thank me. The day when u whatsapp dem and dey open a dictionary…

T for Thank You

For putting up with me in this A to Z Challenge, for all the encouragement and comments. Unfortunately, it's getting harder and harder to think. So, today, giving a rest to the overworked brain!

Have a great weekend!


S for Super Mango

When I was small, there was a boy in my class. Let's call him Super. (His real name is very close to this and I would not want this blog to pop up on Google when someone Googles him. So let's leave it at Super.). 
Super was extraordinarily intelligent. I mean, the kind who went on to become a single digit IIT rank holder. Then, a 100 percentile in CAT. Maths Olympiad winner. Etc. You get the picture?
But I had recognized his intelligence far before the world did. He was the perfect boy in class. Always rank 1. Loved sports. Painted well too. Teacher's pet. Hair combed neatly. Always in a good, neat uniform, with polished shoes. Friendly. Helpful. In other words, just about Perfect.
So, one summer, my Dad's friend gifted us mangoes. I am a mango lover. I wait all year for the two months when I can suck these juicy delights and forget all the troubles in the world. I can eat mangoes in all forms - sweet, sour, juicy, hairy or whatever. 
But these mangoes that came home that …

R for Rafi, Lata and the Likes

I am a huge huge fan of old music and so, today, we are going to cheat on the post with a collection of some of my most favorite songs. 
When I was small, my parents had a Blue cassette and a green cassette, both with old songs. My earliest memory of good songs were those cassettes. And what a collection that was. Some of the finest old classic songs. From my memory of those, here's a playlist you can listen to tonight!

Number 5 on the list: Ek Ladki Bheegi Bhaagi Si This song, from a 1958 movie, is so contemporary and ahead of its times. Even today, a version of this can be made and it will still resonate with the listeners. And of course, Kishore Kumar's absolutely adorable antics.

At Number 4, Rajnigandha Phool Amol Palekar fans know why I rate this song so high. Such an innocent song, capturing so many emotions, so well! 

Number 3 on the list: Raat Ke Humsafar This song is so so so so beautiful. Sharmila Tagore in that absolutely stunning black sari and Rafi (not Shammi) serenadin…

Q for Q

Dear World,
You owe me so much, I don't even know where to begin. 
Every time 2 year olds recite alphabets, I wait with bated breathe.  "Please don't miss me. Please don't forget me."
But there, in a cute, childish voice, they sing along:
M  - N  - O - P - R - S - T
Mom tries to say from behind, "You missed Q." But it's drowned in all the noise of the Awwws.
"Awww, she's so cute. R after P. Haha."
I sniff and hide behind the slant leg of R. What am I to do? It is not the child's fault. It's you people.
Do you people ever go beyond A for Apple, B for Ball and C for Cat? I am sure evolution has ensured that thanks to repetitive rote learning of these three alphabets, kids today are born with the knowledge of A for Apple, B for Ball and C for Cat. 
How about being realistic to your kids and starting with Q for Queue - that wondrous long line of people in which you will have to invariably stand in, when you grow up?
It's not like you made…

P for Pratham Sthaan

Couple of days back, I took my 4 year old niece to the park. When we returned, we had the following conversation:

Me: Did you have fun?
She: Yeaaah! I had so much fun.

Me: But I had more fun than you.
She: No, I had the mostest fun.

Me: No way. I had the most fun.
She: I had 60 Million 20 80 90 million fun. I win.

How can anyone argue with that? I gave in. 

But I normally don't. And that's the reason for today's post. This nagging belief in the head that everything is a competition.

You know how parents make 2 to 6 year olds eat? "Let's see who will eat first!" 
I have sincerely started believing that I never outgrew that phase. I still think I am competing with someone for everything. What else would explain this behaviour of mine:

I gave more gifts. I win.
I love you more. I win.
I sent you more messages today. I win.
("But I called." "This is not a race. You called because I am your wife.")
I made such a nice dinner today. I win.

I guess, sometimes, it…

O for Old Memories

13 years back I knew I would need help coming up with posts. So proud of the 13 year back self. Saved me from a post today!

Here's something I came across while at my parent's house last week. Please make sure to sing along with the tune. That's when it is fun!

Hey! Jingle bells. jingle bells!
Cheers! Preeks

N for No

To Whomesoever it may concern.

I hereby declare that I am saying NO to the following:
Working to earn a livingEating to liveLiving to eatShort vacations. Vacations should only be long.Books made into moviesMovie channels that show only repeat moviesNews that is more opinion than factSocial Media updates that resemble personal diariesCandid photographs on social mediaEcommerce sale notifications on the mobileBeing at a vacation and worrying only about taking good pics on the phone for InstagramBeing taunted about not drinking or eating non-vegFootball premier league running 50 out of 52 weekends in the yearPeople forgetting old songs and old moviesBeing away from family

World, please make note of this and stop pestering me.

Many thanks.

M for Middle

When I realized this, I got a little bit depressed. So I am spreading the depression around.
M is the exact middle in the alphabets. Meaning, we are only half way through this A to Z challenge.
Sigh. No offence, but this feels like the longest month ever. Reminds me of all the other times when the clock didn't move fast enough:

Long meetings where the job of 80% of the people is to summarize what the remaining 20% said. Only in better words.Conference calls, when I put them on mute and do some other work.Fast and the Furious 7. I slept through the movie, while watching it in the hall. At interval, I could not believe only half was over. Because in my sleep, I had a very vivid, long, intense dream with sound effects. Wonder where the sounds came from.Ki and Ka. Again. At interval, I did not understand why there needed to be a second half. It seemed like the point of the movie had been explained quite well in the first half and that making a second half to reiterate the point would onl…

L for Lunch

The following story might make you cry. Please be prepared accordingly with some tissues.
In my 4-5 years of working life, I have mostly had a team around me. We sit around each other, share some fun moments, talk about the boss. And most importantly, have lunch together. For a couple of years in between when we had a really bad boss, lunch was our escape. Our only topic for discussion would be the boss. When he quit, we almost had a vacuum in our lives. Which of course got filled by another bad boss. But the point is, lunch was always an important occasion in the day.
Then things changed. I got married and moved to Bangalore, while my team continued to sit in Mumbai. The Bangalore office was a whole new story. I don't have a single team member here. And worse, there is noone I can talk to. There's a sales team that is almost always on the move.
So from a hip and happening lunch time, I moved to solo lunch, sitting alone at my desk, watching Youtube videos on a slow internet conn…

K for K Serials

I am not a fan of TV. But I get it why Karan Johar and Alia Bhatt had to get down to curation of content when they launched Colors Infinity. 
Given an option even I would love to, because I think our Television grossly underestimates the intelligence of the audience.
Global audiences went crazy when 1 period show (Downtown Abbey) was aired. Maybe they should come live in India. All our shows are period shows. One glance through our channels and you will be transported to an era where women always wear pallus and refer to their husbands as Aap and Shriman. They sleep in a heavy sari with full make-up on. I have never, and I thought a lot before writing this, never ever seen a woman in pyjamas on Indian television. I just cannot relate to anyone who doesn't wear pyjamas at home. Cannot. It cannot happen.
It's not just Indian shows. Hindi Movie channels are the other extreme. They seem to have understood the Indian audiences' intelligence a bit too well. So every Sunday, they pl…

J for Jo Jo

Because that's what my two little nieces call sleeping.

And I am too sleepy to intelligently think of a better post for J.


I for Indian Cooking

Indian cooking is not easy. Not as easy as they make it sound on Masterchef - "Roti bread with curry". Comes with a huge set of complications. Like:
Problem 1: Deciding what to cook It takes me 30 seconds to structure a good presentation, 25 seconds to decide which book to buy, 20 seconds to decide not to wake up for running and 1 hour of sitting in front of the fridge and 10 Whatsapps to Mom to decide what to make for dinner. Noone told me that this was the hardest part. I think someone needs to make an app. You enter the basic things in the fridge, and it tells you what you can make. I should make this app and charge people for it.
Problem 2: Add a little salt While you are at that, why don't you wear a dress of any color and read a book by any author and watch a movie with any actor? How can an instruction be so unspecific? First round of adding salt is always only a little short. Second round is a little too much.
Problem 3: Onion, Garlic, Ginger and Tomato Fire, water, ear…

H for Household Chores

I ask almost all married people this question. 
"How do you share the chores at home?"
After much analysis and now, personal experience, I have come to the following conclusion:

Personally, I do feel that not having filled water bottles at the time of need is a huge crisis point in one's life and the fact that someone takes lead to do that is life-saving. I also love the pride with which most men respond to this question. 
"Oh, I fill the bottles." "I also manage the nuclear plants in the country. And the switch that controls the whole country's electricity."
It's really cute. 
That said, I have also heard this a lot:

And I don't know why. It's not like there's some top secret work that's being done in the kitchen. 
"Sir. Onion has been dispatched to cutting board. Over and Out."
"Onion received. Tears being shed. Over and Out."
Frankly, if this was the case, I think men would handle the Kitchen much better, given thei…

G for Give Up

You know it's time to give up when the entire day all you have thought of is G for, G for, Go for, G for, G for.

And here's the range of things I thought of:

Game of Thrones (which I don't watch)
Gadak (The district in Karnataka because I was looking at a Karnataka map)
Gum (I don't know why)
Good Wives (The book)
Graph (I thought I could draw random graphs to pull off a post)
Gudi Parwa
Gumption (This I really don't know why. It kept coming back every hour)
Ginger Ale (Enid Blyton)

And when I thought of Ganga, I knew this post was going for a toss.

So, giving up for tonight.

Cheers and a happy new year! :)