K for K Serials

I am not a fan of TV. But I get it why Karan Johar and Alia Bhatt had to get down to curation of content when they launched Colors Infinity. 

Given an option even I would love to, because I think our Television grossly underestimates the intelligence of the audience.

Global audiences went crazy when 1 period show (Downtown Abbey) was aired. Maybe they should come live in India. All our shows are period shows. One glance through our channels and you will be transported to an era where women always wear pallus and refer to their husbands as Aap and Shriman. They sleep in a heavy sari with full make-up on. I have never, and I thought a lot before writing this, never ever seen a woman in pyjamas on Indian television. I just cannot relate to anyone who doesn't wear pyjamas at home. Cannot. It cannot happen.

It's not just Indian shows. Hindi Movie channels are the other extreme. They seem to have understood the Indian audiences' intelligence a bit too well. So every Sunday, they play either PK or 3 Idiots. And every Saturday night, they play Baby or Drishyam. Same schedule every week. Why? Because they know that people cannot ignore these movies. So, no matter what time of the day they play it, they know that somewhere in some house a wife is trying to peel her eyes away from the TV and go do some work, but cursing and then settling down on the sofa to finish just one last scene. And in the same room, a man is saying, "Let's watch this and then do the weekend chores."

Same story, every week. I now even know the number of times Aamir Khan says Acha in PK and All Izz Well in 3 Idiots.

Are English channels better? I want to say yes. But I will not. And here is why.

A few years back, Star Movies and HBO meant fun, new movies. Every new year, there was something new, every Christmas, there would be a long list of nice feel good movies. Every summer, there would be some romantic comedies. There was something for everyone.

Now, the complete set of movies they show can be defined as:

Set M = {Batman Series, Jurassic Park Series, Bourne Series, Predator Series, Transformers Series, Terminator Series, Rocky Series}

Every once in a while, when they feel overwhelmed by these, they add Conjuring and Never Back Down.

I am taking a wild guess here. But if you blindly picked a normal working guy in India, who earns decently, is educated and well connected, and asked him in the middle of the night, tell me 10 movies you can watch any number of times, without getting bored, the list you receive would match the one above with an exception of maybe 1 or 2.

Try this with a girl. The list would match for exactly 1 or 2 movies.

I am just saying, that after watching Rocky some 20 times, I can now bear it. But that is more like Stockholm syndrome. Maybe if Star Movies showed Sound of Music atleast thrice every week, every guy will wake up singing "These are a few of my favorite things."

These channels are meant to serve everyone's needs. What was the need to make a new Romantic Comedy channel called Romedy Now? Because three naughty boys are running the remaining channels and waking up every morning discussing:

Guy 1: "Dude. Let's watch Bourne Series. Again."

Guy 2: "Totally man."

Guy 3: "Oh but we saw it last week"

Guy 1: "Do you remember exactly the number of times he is shot?"

Guy 2: "I do, but we need to revise."

Guy 3: "Let's do it."

Guy 1: "What about the people who are watching the channel?"

Guy 2 and Guy 3: "What about them?"

And so, every week. Bourne.

I think Indian TV needs to become more universal. We live in extremism. One end lives in the villages of the 1980s. The other is the imagination of 3 twenty something guys living in a hostel.

What's the middle ground?

No wonder Karan and Alia decided to step in.