P for Pratham Sthaan

Couple of days back, I took my 4 year old niece to the park. When we returned, we had the following conversation:

Me: Did you have fun?
She: Yeaaah! I had so much fun.

Me: But I had more fun than you.
She: No, I had the mostest fun.

Me: No way. I had the most fun.
She: I had 60 Million 20 80 90 million fun. I win.

How can anyone argue with that? I gave in. 

But I normally don't. And that's the reason for today's post. This nagging belief in the head that everything is a competition.

You know how parents make 2 to 6 year olds eat? "Let's see who will eat first!" 
I have sincerely started believing that I never outgrew that phase. I still think I am competing with someone for everything. What else would explain this behaviour of mine:

I gave more gifts. I win.
I love you more. I win.
I sent you more messages today. I win.
("But I called." "This is not a race. You called because I am your wife.")
I made such a nice dinner today. I win.

I guess, sometimes, it is important to be competitive. But when your head starts running only in that direction (And running the fastest at that. I win), it is time to slow down.

When I have kids, I will let them eat as long as they want, even if they come last everyday. I will let them learn that coming last means enjoying the run. I will explain to them that sometimes, you have to let others win. I will also tell them that losers have the advantage of having no pressure. I will make sure that they stop in the middle of the race to enjoy the smell of a random flower they found on the track. I will remind them again and again that in certain races, it is best not to win. And that sometimes, even if they know they are winning, they should not rub it in. I will teach them that winning is fun, but learning is more fun.

And I will be the best damn mother when I do all this. Oh. I think I have some unlearning to do first.


  1. I really love your philosophy about life and race it entails. Sometimes, we need to breath and enjoy life at the fullest. There is more to life than rat-race. But, enjoy the cute-si converso:)

    1. Yeah. But I wish I followed it! :)

  2. Maybe it's not such a bad thing to be competing sometimes...we must realise that life is short and that we are already in a race against time, which is eventually gonna run out for each of us...I wonder how the world would have been if we were all laidback.

    Having said that, we should not hesitate to take some time out of our races to appreciate the good things in life. A balance is required.

    1. Yeah, but you have no idea how competitive I am. Think Monika from Friends!

  3. I'm glad you let your niece win! I think that's a good start at taking down the competition a notch :)

    A Bit to Read

  4. We actually had this discussion at work the other day, where we all decided to let our kids fail. Let them know it is okay to fail sometimes. It is okay to not compete, to just be.

    1. That's nice! The new Bournvita ad is also like that!

  5. Sometimes it does seem like everything is a competition - especially between my two kids. And I certainly don't encourage them to compete between each other. Your post reminds me of some answers I might give next time they are arguing about who "won."

  6. Unfortunately, it's not one parent that can make this change. Zo had a severe 'win' problem for a good half of last year, so much that the teacher told me she was worried because Zo would be so upset if she didn't come first, anywhere! We had to ensure she lost in games et al at home just to get her used to it.
    That being said, I think I have a bit of a problem in this myself :) for myself. But I hope it doesn't become a must have for her.

    1. I agree with what Di says - very verh competitive world. And kids catch on very early

    2. I don't blame kids. I think most parents are like us. And we are all competitive. :-/


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