I *Sue* You.

I was reading a John Grisham Novel - "The King of Torts", and I have to say this, I am amazed at this business of suing corporates and organizing  mass litigation to earn money. Monstrous amounts of money! I know this business has not picked up in India, but something tells me, that's only because we didn't try hard enough. Hard to believe we couldn't find enough people to sue,  isn't it?

Do not fret, though. As always, I applied my mind to this and I have come up with some innovative, undiscovered spaces which we can explore for mass litigation. Think $100-150 Billion. Now read on.


At Number 5 - The Man Who Invented Alarm Clocks
This is the man who caused billions of people insomnia. My estimate is, the litigation should amount to $ 10-15 billion, at the very least. For me personally, I'll make do with a couple of billion, or maybe a little more, if you insist.
Here are some questions I would love to ask this dude in the cross-examination:
 - What were you thinking? Seriously?
 - Do you *not* like your sleep? Are you allergic to it?
 - Are you a misanthrope? You don't like to see people happy and sleeping?
 - Are you happy now?
 - Can we expect some more killer inventions from you? *Can't wait*

At Number 4 - George Crum for his chance invention, Potato Chips 
The story goes that George Crum got frustrated by a patron sending back his potato fries, because they were too thick and soggy. So, Crum, in a fit of anger, sliced the potato into wafer-thin "chips", deep fried them and loaded them with salt before serving. Needless to say, the dish was a hit and the rest as they say is history. My problem is quite simple. 
 - Did Crum not realize back then that no one can eat just one of the lip-smacking dish he had invented?
 - Did he not know that years later, chips lying in the office cabinet would prove to be a major distraction from work for some people?
 -Did he not anticipate that someone will crack the code and come up with some awesome flavors, which would become impossible to resist?
In other words, consider a law-suit of around $40 billion, my way of saying Thank You to him.

At Number 3 - Delhi Daredevils 
I would be suing them on behalf of Oxford Dictionary, for blatant and gross  misuse of the word "Daredevils". I will, of course, as the main lawyer, take my meagre share of 60% of the $ 50 Billion I plan to exhort from them.

At Number 2 - Indian Television 
I would enjoy this case for the sheer support I have on this one and of course, the $ 70-80 Billion I am planning. In fact, I think we can fight the case on many accounts:
 - For assuming that we enjoy watching the crap they show.
 - For assuming that Indian women still wear Lehenga Cholis and get married at 10 years of age.
 - For assuming that we believe them when they say their scripted shows are actually "Reality" shows.
 - For not showing *ONE* decent show on TV. Not ONE? Really? Come on. The least you can do is copy some American TV Show! Oh oops, don't do that. Masterchef India! We don't want to go down that lane again. OR.
- For showing us Masterchef India! :D

And At A Handsome Number 1 - The Idiots who Litter Roads 
This is a harassment suit. The case is plain and simple.
- I pay my taxes and hence own a portion of the roads.
- The man who leans out of the car to spit paan is littering "my road".
- I like "my" things clean.
And hence, I sue him for a paltry sum of $ 100 billion. And while at it, I will also sue him for expressing his love stories on historical monuments through quips like "I Miss You, Baby Shona", using the roadside as his lavatory, for driving in the opposite direction like it's all legal and for not caring about any of this.


Do you wish to sue someone? Or join me in my Mass Litigation program?
Drop me a message!

Till then,
Ciao,

Comments

  1. With you on 4, 2, 1 You have all my support!!
    *scratches head* how much money are we making in total really? *counts fingers*

    heeeheee :)

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  2. omg...tats a lot of money... :D

    m with u too... :D :D

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  3. hey, btw, want to ask u somethin.. how did u include these smileys???? i mean... with graphics?? :D

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  4. @S: Since you are not joining point 5 and 3, that will reduce your money a wee bit.
    *scratched head*
    *counts fingers*

    Around 5 billion chalega? :))

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  5. @Anoop: Yes! Lots of money. We'll split according to the support you provide, okay? :D

    The smileys from a code I got for Yahoo smileys online!

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  6. Hilarious. :) I want to sue the man who invented Maggi. I've eaten tons of it. I support you on all counts and strongly on number 1. Now don't forget to give me my share, okay? :D

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  7. @Ajay: Aah. Maggi. Good one. We'll get lots of support for this one!
    You'll get your share, but you do realize it's not just about support? I'll be making rounds of courts, will need some cash, etc. #JustSaying
    :D :P

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  8. First, I like the fact that you read Grisham. :)
    N that's some thought. :) Me lyk this one. :) Expect me back.

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  9. hahaha yeah sue them sue them
    //suming that we enjoy watching the crap they show// atleast for this :D one reason i haven't watched TV for ages :D
    awesome post

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  10. Kya idea hei Sir ji :D Sue away I say. Please sue whoever came up with the Black Forest Cake for me please. It is soooo good, but the weight gain post I hog on it is sooooo much. :((

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  11. full support from me :-) especially for that tv thing. But I appreciate the man who invented tv for incorporating that off button.

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  12. @Anand: Hi! Thanks and Welcome here! :)

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  13. @Rajlakshmi: Thanks! :D
    You'll get your share of the 70-80 billion for your undying support to the TV cause. :D

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  14. @CelestialRays: There you go! That's the kind of support we need for mass litigations! :D

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  15. @Comfy: Black Forest! Here we come. It's a good idea, this one. We can get lots of support for this noble cause of cakes & chocolates in general! :D

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  16. @Harish: Thanks! :)
    Appreciation not part of lawsuit, but I'll incorporate your point some where! :D

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  17. he he he he :) yes yes second you after the 60% out can i ask for 10% of the rest .. or even 5% .. that much out of billions will be enough for me :)

    Bikram's

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  18. haha...with you on them all.
    quite an innovative post! ;)

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  19. Go ahead Preeks!! I'm with you all the way. I can even get you lawyers for the case (remember I have a family of lawyers as my relatives :p)

    Btw. how much money are we talking about here??

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  20. @Bikram: We'll settle for 5% for you. Chalega? :D

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  21. @Scorpia: Thanks for the support! :D

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  22. @Aastha: Oye hoy! Welcome back, ji! :D
    You are in as a partner! We are talking close to 70-80 billion per partner. Lawyers, of course, will be free, right? Family matter and all? :D

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  23. Woman i hate blogspot...i posted a comment...where is it??? Got majorly swayed away with your motioned and Mentioned some nonsense of sueing this size zero ppl!!! What happened to healthier women being considered the "done" thing

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  24. sigh, if only we lived in the US :D Potential big haul in suing the guys at Fair and Lovely and other such worthless promises :D

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  25. @Nuts: I hate blogpost too! We can sue them, huh?
    Let's not sue size zero people. Let's sue the people who say size zero is cool! Just to be fair, you know?

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  26. @Chindi: I know! Then the list would be much longer! :))

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  27. Hahaha! Enjoyed it thoroughly.

    P.S. Therez a whole bunch of posts that I need to catch up with... and will do so... by and by :) You keep blogging. :D

    P.S. "And hence, I sue him for a paltry sum of $ 100 billion. And while at it, I will also sue him for expressing his love stories on historical monuments through quips like "I Miss You, Baby Shona", using the roadside as his lavatory, for driving in the opposite direction like it's all legal and for not caring about any of this."

    "Baby shona" is our baby shona... and neither he nor his mummy or papa go about defacing monuments x(

    So, change the name please :P

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  28. @Roshmi: Hahahaa! =))
    I won't sue you guys! Okay fine, I'll change the name to Baby Rani! :D

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  29. God forbid! Some hitherto unknown fan club of Rani Lakshmibai of Jhansi might decide to sue you then :P

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  30. God forbid! Some hitherto unknown fan club of Rani Lakshmibai of Jhansi might decide to sue you then :P

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