So now that work's out of the way (I loved saying that!), let's get down to some serious business, shall we?
Someone once told me, "There's a business model in everything." And I laughed it off. But today, I thought about that, and realized he was right. And so, presenting to you my list of top 3 business ideas. This list is issspecial because its a reflection of the little teeeny-weeny business sense I have. Be considerate.
(I am open for partnerships, especially of the monetary kind, where you bring in the money, and I bring you guaranteed fame.)
FORBES TOP 3 BUSINESS IDEAS BY YOURS TRULY
AT NUMBER 3: THE RETORT MACHINE
Let's be frank. We have all been there, haven't we? Intense moment, strong argument, you are in the middle of it all and blank. That smartass has thrown a horrible comment at you, and you have no idea what to say. The proverbial cat which got your tongue is pretty much swinging on it, while you, poor you, you are standing there, red-faced, lost, with no retort whatsoever.
BUT. Fear not. We have just the solution to your problems. As soon as you get into an argument, dial into our service number on your mobile and we'll be your mouthpiece! With our well-researched database of retorts from various real-life situations (especially mine), our customer care will advice you on the right retorts, at the right time, with the right expressions and the right moves.
Charges - Negligible (Rs 100 to Rs 5000 per retort depending on nature and complexity of argument and arguer). Negligible as compared to the self-respect you save.
AT NUMBER 2: THE COPTER PARADIGM
Stuck in a jam? Again? Ever considered flying to work? After much speculation, my carpool in college had decided investing in a copter was worth it. So here's the deal. We buy a Helicopter, fly you wherever you want, hoist you on your building with that fancy hanging ladder and voila. You have just given the finger to all the city's traffic jams. You are welcome.
It's not very difficult, you know. The GI Joe figures make it look simple. See?
Charges: Rs 200 per km. Negligible compared to the time and abuses you save. And of course, need I mention the biceps you build and the chance to replace Aishwarya Rai as India's Indiana Jones?
AT NUMBER 1: THE SOCIAL CIRCLE CARDS
See, here's the thing. We don't like going to social events/family gatherings because of the questions we are asked, right? And the best part is, most of the questions are redundant. So, I introduce to you "The Social Placards". Here's how this is done. When Aunties field the questions, you refer to these guidelines:
Q1: Oh my God! You have grown up! You were so little (*Insert action with hands, usually placed at a position lower than the knees of the question bearer*) when I last saw you. Remember me?
A1: You pick up this placard:
Q2: Do you know who I am? Guess, no? Come on! We are related!
A2: This board here is your saviour: