Be Nice to Us!

I am no genius, trust me on that. But it takes little more than an Office-College-Office stint to make you realize how much of HR talk you can do. I am, of course, referring to my recent move from work to college for an MBA and then back to office for a summer internship. I cannot tell you, how glad I am that this was just a two month digression from college!

Frankly, I don't think the HR does enough to make young new joinees comfortable in office. I mean, here we are, fresh out of the whole Life-Is-Awesome-Friends-Are-Awesome-Who-Cares philosophy. The least companies can do is accommodate us for who we are, initially and then gradually mould us into corporate slaves.

Like I said, I am no genius. But I did think about this on a long Metro journey and came up with a policy manual for HR to handle new joinees or Emptees or MTs or Management Trainees as they are popularly called.

Warning: I have not taken up a single HR Elective. What I write about is my natural flair at being Human Resource-ey. ;)

THE HR POLICY MANUAL FOR TREATING FRESHERS

1. Office Timings: You are allowed to enter office at any time of your preference. On days when you have a night-out with friends, you are allowed to come to office and go straight away to the cafeteria to have lunch. After lunch, you must proceed, without any delay, to the dormitory and sleep for 1 hour, before you indulge yourself in serious work. The quality of work MUST NOT, under any circumstances, suffer because of your activities outside of workplace. So, sleep it off.
2. Attendance System: The system of PROXIES allows you to mark the attendance for your fellow colleagues in case they are absent. However, it is important for you to have a mutual understanding with them, so that your attendance does not suffer on days when you get up with that Where-Is-My-Life-Headed feeling.
3. Presence in Office: After attendance, you may leave from the back entrance when the Professor Manager is not looking. Please be back by evening to Swipe out of the system in time, so that you are not marked absent. Or arrange for a Proxy partner?
4. IT Policy: Downloading Torrents on your system is NOT allowed. There is an additional laptop issued in the name of MT_Dark_Knight_Returns. Use that laptop to download torrents and store everything on the specially allocated 1 TB server. It is important to inform the whole MT Batch about new downloads so that everyone may be adequately armed to take advantage.
5. IT Policy (Contd): By all means, use Facebook in office. In every post, make sure you praise the company, its policies, the people and the salary. The brand equity of the company must rise in the next batch of Management Trainees.
6. Work Policy: Since we have been very accommodating to all your whims and fancies, you better work your asses off and meet your targets. Otherwise, there is always the option of, you know, going back to college?

See what I did there? Make them feel nice, feed them well, fatten them up and then bang - Shoot them. Point 6 is the bullet that'll make sure that the first 5 points are null and void.

I am getting good at HR. Maybe I should take up an elective in Policies and Guidelines. Or not.

Either way, internship is done. So that technically means, 1 year of MBA done. A month's vacation and then back to the college grind. But come what may, being back in the office cabin made me realize how much I need to treasure the few days of college life that's left!

*Hugging the ground*

Till then,

Tra la la la! :)

Off to the beach! :)