Skip to main content

What the Ruffling Pages Said!

I swear I heard them.

It was a cold December winter night, two weeks back. I was tucked in two layers of razai and clutching my hot water bag for life. My head was inside the warm blanket, lest any cold air enters. 

And then I heard it. A strange ruffle and a shriek. I slowly formed a small hole in my razai's enclosing to investigate the sounds. There was no mistaking the source. It was my bookshelf.

I strained my ears to try and understand what was going on.

Oh yes. It was the books.

"Will you move? Bloody hell. You are standing on my back cover! If you don't move, I will tell all my fans and they will sit at Jantar Mantar and protest against you and your stupid establishment. MOVE. NOW."

It was Five Point Someone, Chetan Bhagat's magnum opus, speaking to none other than Britannica's Encyclopedia.

The giant encyclopedia moved with the slightest of movement and shifted his bulky weight. He grumbled, "Hell ya. Establishment. Who even looks at me? Lying here in dust since ages. With outdated information. What's that thing you youngsters refer to? Wiki. Pooh. Is that even a good name for an Encyclopedia? BRITANNICA. How classy does that sound, eh? Wiki."

From a shelf above came another voice. "Did someone blame me for something? Its ok if you did. I am used to it. In fact, to be frank, I feel bored when I am not blamed for something or the other. Unrelated context is all the more preferred. Anyone? Anything?"

It was Rushdie's Midnight's Children. Five Point Someone shouted right back in response. "Dude, I totally get it, man! You and I, same story!"

There was a smirk from above. In the usual condescending, self-confident tone of its author, the Midnight's Children sang in a mellifluous English accent, "Please do not put me in the same category as you. I have a Cambridge alma mater and I was written in the US. I am banned from Lit-fests and guess what, I still come and make a point. I don't hang around cheap protest marches like you. Hmmpph."

There was a sudden movement below and jutting out his butt and pointing towards the back cover, Chetan Bhagat's best seller shouted indignantly. "Now a blockbuster move, starring Aamir Khan. What do you have to say to that? 100 crores, 7 filmfares. Hain? Aamir Khan! What do you have to compare? Deepa Mehta? Her sad, easily forgotten ventures?"

The Midnight's Children laughed from above. "Oh naive Indian author. I can't believe you just brought that up. Sigh."

An altercation was brewing. All the young Indian authored books, sold for Rs 100 on Flipkart, never released in Hard Cover, rallied around Five Point Someone. While the elite Booker nominees and Man Booker winners gathered around in circles around Rushdie's collection. 
In a shelf between them, the Nagas were in a huddle. They whispered worriedly among themselves, "Which category do we belong to? We are not mass books, are we? But we are! On the other hand, we actually have a good story to boast of. Oh dear Shiva, where do we belong!"

In another corner, Rajaji's Mahabharat and Ramayan smiled to themselves and spoke wisely, "Their stories come and go, but ours? We're evergreen. Karmanye Waadika Raste..Maa Phaleshu.."

Before they could complete, they heard a camera click. The foreign authors were all peering down from the top shelf, "Oh look. Poor Indian books. Where's their growth story now, huh?"

"No matter how much they claim, they can never stop reading the John Grishams and Archers. So much for Indians rising."

The fight below was getting worse. A young book called 'Oh Shit! Not Again' went as far as hanging on the shelf and attempting to jump off. The White Tiger, Sea of Poppies and other such elite affairs stood behind Midnight's Children and discussed solemnly how they were the only true torchbearers of English fiction in India.

I peered quietly and then decided to go a bit further to get a better view. Mistake. My movement was noticed by the indispensable Secret Seven from the bottom most shelf.

They immediately sounded the bugle and shouted out the secret meeting code word. There was silence all around. All books went back to their original positions and assumed their inanimate poses.

I tip-toed up to the shelf and stared at Five Point Someone for a while. Nothing. Nada. And just when I started walking back to the bed, I saw Britannica shrug at me. At least now won't you look at me?

I sighed and snuggled back into my razai. As I covered my head again, I heard a ruffle.

I swear, I heard it!

Comments

  1. Five Point Someone made most of the noise. It's the know-all, all subject-expert book there. And quite rightly so being its author's magnum opus. :D

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow! Loved it! :D That was an awesome bit Preeks :D
    These Booker award kind snobs I tell you, pah! And the same for these new Age kiddy authored books too, so dramatic ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. theothersideoflifeMonday, January 28, 2013

    :D I know! But better not say much about him! Never know how fans will react! :D

    ReplyDelete
  4. theothersideoflifeMonday, January 28, 2013

    Thanks DI! :D :)
    I know, right? I can't decide which side to take now!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Haha
    You are very funny preeti. :)
    Is it wrong if I prefer reading a page out of Britannica than read five point someone :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. theothersideoflifeSaturday, February 02, 2013

    :D
    I dont blame you..Even I am like that! :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. That's quite a diversity in your book shelf :)

    P.S: Business school has not taken away your creative imagination! Kudos :D

    ReplyDelete
  8. theothersideoflifeSunday, February 03, 2013

    Hey! How be you? Long time! :)
    B-school killed a lot of things in me. Mostly, the urge to write I think! :D

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Letters to the Upparwalla!

(Wow! BlogAdda made my day! :) ) Prologue: I have been SO so SO so lazy, busy and blank, that I stopped writing posts altogether. But then, on reflection, I thought I owed this one to the unseen forces above. Hence, this post! LETTER #1 To The Gods Above, 1, "All Roads Lead to Heaven" Road, Heaven - 000000 15.06.2010 From Un Faithful Earthling Somewhere on Earth - Does the pin code matter? Sir/Ma'am, SUB: Complaint Regarding Services Rendered             This is to bring to your kind attention, the highly unsatisfactory services being rendered to me, not at all in keeping with the Contract signed during my release to the Earth. Further, I wish to register a complaint regarding the following key issues: Interaction With Irritating People : According to Clause 4 of my Contract which you have also signed, it was mutually agreed by both parties, that during my peaceful stay on Earth, my interaction with irritating peo...

The Truant Family!

The low hanging trees were always in demand. As Raji rushed for the nearest one, with her little brother in her tow, she cast a quick glance at the tree to survey the bounty. It was laden with fresh guavas, alright! Pumped, she put her foot on the lowest branch and pulled herself up. Raji had barely put her foot on the next branch, when she felt a tug on her skirt. Feeling a nudge of irritation, she peered down at her four year old brother. "What is it, Appu?" "Where's my guava?" he demanded. "Will you at least wait while I climb up?" She resumed her climb up carefully, so as not to tear her skirt. The trick was to choose the right branches.She had barely moved up one level, when she felt a tug again. She looked around for the nearest ripe guava and hurled it before Appu could speak.She heard his chuckles of delight as he dug into large juicy bites. That settled, she ensconced in a comfortable branch, and began her feast of the large, ripe guavas. S...

The Battle of the Cities

"Aasmaan Se Tapka, Khajoor Ke Ped Pe Latka" How else would explain my wonderful vacation, moving from one hothouse called Delhi to another called Hyderabad? To be fair, I never thought I was going to a hill-station or Switzerland. But a cooler Hyderabad would have been so much more fun! Cities have their own ways of growing on you. Or of not growing, but clawing at you. Either way, you cannot ignore some cities. Hyderabad is one of them. 20 years, and our love-hate match continues. Day 1 is always the day of the bungle before the war. I emerge from the airport, all optimistic, with brushed up Telugu skills and renewed love for the hometown. Half an hour later, on the top of the long snake-like flyover, enroute to the city, the anger begins to kick in. Conversations with drivers. That's when I realize the war is on. I speak my posh, broken Telugu, and the drivers, their rude, unbroken Telugu. At some point, I try putting up a white flag and shift to Hindi politely. To n...