Poke..Poke..Poke..

One thing I am very diligent about is my daily office schedule.
Reach office -> Plug in charger -> Turn on Laptop -> Forget to start Outlook -> Start Chrome -> Login to Facebook.

A schedule is a schedule is a schedule. There is no going back on that. In my humble opinion, Facebook is that dose of an alternate world, which makes us feel invigorated (about our friends' lives), satisfied (about our friends' jobs), happy (about our friends' weddings), determined (about our friends' vow to finish a book), blessed (about our friends' parents' love for him), special (about our friends' awesome birthday surprise) and so on. It is important, almost imperative, to start your day that way.

Anyway. Over time, I have realized that the world, as per Facebook, is slightly different from the normal world we live in. Slightly different. Very different. Potato. Potato. Every time I log in, it seems like a topsy-turvy version of the real world around us. I think the problem is the sample size. I mean, on Facebook, it seems like people are getting married faster than the speed at which I decide my dinner menu. Everyone looks perfect. All the time. Everyone has awesome hobbies. It really astounds me. So obviously, being the true MBA by heart, I decided to analyse this small sample size on Facebook and see what the world looks like here.
Please accept my humble analysis herewith on this dichotomy of worlds. (The MBA juices kicked in, big time with the analysis part. Please excuse the excess use of charts.)
May I present to you “In the World of Facebook”?
How can I not start with the one thing that affects people of my age-group the most, when we log into Facebook?



As if that’s not enough, this is followed by very public updates about:


This next bit of observation will sweep you off your feet. Literally. One sure-shot sign, that the next update from your friend will be a wedding or an engagement is:


And what is the rest of the sad world doing while this 80% gets married?


Think this is mind-boggling? Wait for the next one.  
I have always been an observer and a thinker. The Newton and apple kinds. Facebook likes has been my apple, colloquially speaking. Why do some pictures get like, and some don’t? What governs this phenomenon? How do I ensure likes? Is there a set strategy to follow? What does having likes imply? Can I put it on my Resume?
“Received 300 likes within 5 minutes of uploading picture on Facebook”
What’s the deal with likes? Fret not. Your truly has come up with a theory for that too:


So yes, you can put this up in your resume, because you have “arrived” with likes. 
My other submission to you is more specific to news junkies like me. I have realized through years of research that:



Which means, that there is a huge possibility that someone posted about Modi’s speech, I then went to NDTV and read about it and then strutted around in office, talking about it, like I discovered it all on my own. There is a possibility of that.

Of course, Facebook is not all toodle-doodle and happy-shappy. 


Not me, though. Nothing crushes me more than candid pictures. No one’s ever taken pictures of me when I am not looking. And when I have to pose for such a picture, I can’t help but laugh with a HUGE mouth and hence, end up looking like an idiot of the highest order.


I have to end with this. How high up, on your order of things-to-do, does updating Facebook lie? If you are like me, and it lies somewhere between “Never” and “Not even if my life depended on that update”, then you need to reconsider your life’s priorities. Because, frankly:

While for you and me, it is:


This analysis has blown me away. It has thrown data points at me, which will make me think twice before logging into the Facebook world again. No?

Anyway, that’s all from me. Let me go share this post on Facebook.
Or maybe I shouldn’t do that. Should I?

Comments

  1. Haha.. so true for us mere mortals who don't get married, dont buy cameras, dont get captured candidly and dont update is a fingers snap.. ! Such losers we are..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi anonymous!
      You sound like me. Since you are one of us, let me take this opportunity to ask you an important question. "Will you be my Fraand on Facebook?"
      Please do reply.

      Delete
  2. LOL. I loved all the *Me* side of you in charts. You sound like me in some of them..like always grinning wide.. :)
    And wah wah..What a qoute...Life is measured through likes... Its very true.

    Last time I uploaded a photo of Abhi and Achu and also tagged a friend, my friend went on checking every few seconds to see how many likes and comments have we received. I dont remember when was the last time I was that excited about numbers...I then realized I am too old to be on fb generation.

    Hilarious post.. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hehe..even i count likes. Sad! :(
      But atleast we can laugh about it! :D

      Delete
  3. wow.. that was a very detailed analysis :) hehe loved it :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. hahaha... that was quite an analysis!

    You should have one section on the most cliched lines people use on facebook. One that this post reminds me of is how people upload pictures of their friends getting married with an album- mere yaar ki shaadi hai / my best friends wedding! Each. One. Of. Them. Haha.

    So all the people who aren't getting married, at least are happy that they get to dress up and get their pictures clicked, which become their profile pictures garnering a lot of oohs and aahs- likes and comments.

    Just some consumer insights to strengthen your analysis ;) Haha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good. Keep the insights coming. I have a feeling we are on to something big here. Like a Theory on Sociology or something! :D

      Delete
  5. Candid photo bucket!! That is indeed FB.. I remember removing tags from those embarrassing pictures with all teeth shown and 'not enough light' ;-) only to find then re-tagged barely after hours.. What about parents and elderly relatives snooping young people lives in Facebook !!! This gotto be analyzed.. I have been over harassed that I barely post in FB these days.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaa! :D
      None of my relatives have joined yet! :D

      Delete
  6. Love love love it!

    See, NOW you know what I mean when I ask you to post more often, this was hilarious, and SO true :D
    I like graphs, I should do some, with pink and green, or nice colors like that. Not allowed at work!

    That being said, graph two doesn't add up :| Sorry, finance people first QC the data and then try to understand it!
    Welcome back! And yep, should go on FB, totally :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! :)
      I saw the numbers mistake, but was too lazy to make the changes! :D
      And the colors are so brilliant, na? Loved using them! :D

      Delete
  7. I like the graphs and the pie charts :) Couldn't agree more with all that you said. Oh and here's some tips on how to make sure you look awesome in group photos. :) http://theoatmeal.com/comics/incredible_photos

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Ajay for dropping in..been so long! :)
      The oatmeals thing is insanely funny! :D

      Delete
  8. This is a fantastic post Preeti, loved reading it. That part of the 5% of the population sitting at their desks - rofl!!
    - TTS

    ReplyDelete

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