Poke..Poke..Poke..

One thing I am very diligent about is my daily office schedule.
Reach office -> Plug in charger -> Turn on Laptop -> Forget to start Outlook -> Start Chrome -> Login to Facebook.

A schedule is a schedule is a schedule. There is no going back on that. In my humble opinion, Facebook is that dose of an alternate world, which makes us feel invigorated (about our friends' lives), satisfied (about our friends' jobs), happy (about our friends' weddings), determined (about our friends' vow to finish a book), blessed (about our friends' parents' love for him), special (about our friends' awesome birthday surprise) and so on. It is important, almost imperative, to start your day that way.

Anyway. Over time, I have realized that the world, as per Facebook, is slightly different from the normal world we live in. Slightly different. Very different. Potato. Potato. Every time I log in, it seems like a topsy-turvy version of the real world around us. I think the problem is the sample size. I mean, on Facebook, it seems like people are getting married faster than the speed at which I decide my dinner menu. Everyone looks perfect. All the time. Everyone has awesome hobbies. It really astounds me. So obviously, being the true MBA by heart, I decided to analyse this small sample size on Facebook and see what the world looks like here.
Please accept my humble analysis herewith on this dichotomy of worlds. (The MBA juices kicked in, big time with the analysis part. Please excuse the excess use of charts.)
May I present to you “In the World of Facebook”?
How can I not start with the one thing that affects people of my age-group the most, when we log into Facebook?

As if that’s not enough, this is followed by very public updates about:

This next bit of observation will sweep you off your feet. Literally. One sure-shot sign, that the next update from your friend will be a wedding or an engagement is:

And what is the rest of the sad world doing while this 80% gets married?

Think this is mind-boggling? Wait for the next one.  

I have always been an observer and a thinker. The Newton and apple kinds. Facebook likes has been my apple, colloquially speaking. Why do some pictures get like, and some don’t? What governs this phenomenon? How do I ensure likes? Is there a set strategy to follow? What does having likes imply? Can I put it on my Resume?

“Received 300 likes within 5 minutes of uploading picture on Facebook”

What’s the deal with likes? Fret not. Your truly has come up with a theory for that too:

So yes, you can put this up in your resume, because you have “arrived” with likes. 
My other submission to you is more specific to news junkies like me. I have realized through years of research that:

Which means, that there is a huge possibility that someone posted about Modi’s speech, I then went to NDTV and read about it and then strutted around in office, talking about it, like I discovered it all on my own. There is a possibility of that.

Of course, Facebook is not all toodle-doodle and happy-shappy. 

Not me, though. Nothing crushes me more than candid pictures. No one’s ever taken pictures of me when I am not looking. And when I have to pose for such a picture, I can’t help but laugh with a HUGE mouth and hence, end up looking like an idiot of the highest order.

I have to end with this. How high up, on your order of things-to-do, does updating Facebook lie? If you are like me, and it lies somewhere between “Never” and “Not even if my life depended on that update”, then you need to reconsider your life’s priorities. Because, frankly:

While for you and me, it is:

This analysis has blown me away. It has thrown data points at me, which will make me think twice before logging into the Facebook world again. No?

Anyway, that’s all from me. Let me go share this post on Facebook.

Or maybe I shouldn’t do that. Should I?