A for Airtel

Dear Airtel Aunty,

How are you doing? Hope this letter finds you in great spirits and a brand new locale, what with the exotic location spree that you have been on. Last I heard, you were regaling your friends with stories at Umian Lake, Shillong. Oh wait. By the time I finished typing, I hear you are riding a Bullock cart in Ettimadai, Coimbatore. Good for you. I say, good for you.

You will be glad to know, I have been doing a little bit of roaming around myself. You see, at my office desk, bang in the middle of Bangalore, we don't get Airtel network. So, I keep roaming around in the Parking lot below to talk to my team, who sit out of the Mumbai office. 

In a way, it is good. I always believed that sedentary lifestyles will be the cause of ruin for the human race. I take pride that I am a single army crusader against this. Just yesterday, because of back to back conference calls and no Airtel signal in office, I spent almost 4.5 hours walking in the parking lot in the heat. I could have done more. But my phone battery died. So, for the next 1 hour, I sat in my car in the parking lot, in the heat, charging my phone and talking. 

Some would say, that's reason to be angry. I disagree. You are single-handedly solving so many problems. The sedentary lifestyle one is important. So is this insane addiction we have with our phones. Turning on the phone every 5 minutes to see if you have a Whatsapp, or a notification. 

I say, to hell with connectivity. 

Thanks to you guys, I am now disconnected. I don't receive any notifications for 3 hours. And then, suddenly, I get 40-50 texts. It feels good to be so wanted. I suddenly realize so many people are thinking about me all the time. And I have only you to thank for that.

I am also very amazed at Airtel's capability to screen out important calls. I don't get network 99.9% of the time I spend in office. The 0.1% when I do get network, you make sure it's, "Hello Madam. I am calling from ChipiBank. You are now eligible for a pre-approved loan."

The frustration in that moment. It kind of feels like I am on Question No. 20 for Rs 5 Crore in Kaun Banega Crorepati and I used the life-line of 50-50 and I have 2 options to choose from and I chose the wrong answer. Bam.

Again, I don't feel bad, because these are the kind of things in life that set you up to face the bigger troubles. And I for one, am always open to learning. Now I know what it feels like to not get a promotion after working hard 365 days of the year. I understand frustration now.

I have now begun to feel odd if my phone shows full network all the time. In fact, I was quite amused the other day, when I was at 114, Block 8, 19th Main Road, Koramangala and my phone showed 3G! I noted the address down, because, you never know when I might have to pass on this address to you for your next ad. 

I even thought of the script:

Friend to you: Kitna dimaag kharab kar diya tune logo ka. People stuck in everyday life and you roaming around in exotic locations.

You: Haan yaar. I am just glad I am back to city life. Atleast yahan toh noone can say anything.

*Suddenly you guys spot a crowd at 114, Block 8, 19th Main Road, Koramangala*

You: What's happening here, ya?

Nearby passerby: Only spot in Bangalore jahan 3G aata hai. All entrepreneurs spend 3-4 hours here everyday. One of them started a new business. You can book your 3G slot in advance and sit here for that time. Pretty cool stuff.

You (Laughing and nodding your head unbelievably): Oh man! Airtel 4G is too cool. Oh I mean, 3G. Same thing.

Shot ends with people pulling at each others clothes, getting into fist fights and waving their phones, trying to get that elusive 3G signal.

Anyway. Just wanted to write in and say thanks. Have to go now. It has been 3 hours since my phone had signal. Time to feel loved again! Yay!

Have loads of fun in Shillong. And Igatpuri. And Ettimadai. And Mars.

Thanks!

Love,

Preeks