F for Fussy Eaters
And that too Fussy Vegetarian eaters.
I don't understand them. And I don't wish to. You wouldn't either. I strongly recommend staying as far away from them as you can.
In case you need help recognizing them, here's what you need to look out for:
They glance through the menu like kids revising the maths paper for the fourth time. Meaning, they don't. You might as well be at a 3 Michelin Star restaurant. But in their head, like a stuck record, all they are thinking is "frenchfriesfrenchfriesfrenchfiresfrenchfriesfrenchfries", while they pretend to look mildly interested in the menu.
Sometimes, it may look like they are genuinely looking at the menu. They are not. Their eyes are just desperately trying to find that one item that they swore on the day they were born, to have everyday for the rest of their lives.
They have an answer within 10 seconds of someone asking where should we eat today. 10 seconds. Because they swore their loyalty to that place. Till someone tears down the building.
They love Mcdonald's. Standard menu. No pressure to try new things. No one saying, "Dude you always take the same things". No experimentation. Even the salt on the fries is the exact same quantity. Ronald is always sitting in the same place. Good old Ronald.
If they are ever in control of the kitchen, they can survive making the same food, again and again and again. Forever.
Horrible. I tell you. FVEs are horrible. And that's probably why people hate going out with me.
I think all that human beings need to survive on earth is French Fries, Bhindi and Water. Maybe Nachos too if I am feeling adventurous.
I don't know why companies waste printing menu cards. Just write in bold letters on the cover: We serve French Fries.
I think the world is unfair to vegetarians by not giving them options. But I think the world is mean by making them forcibly consume insane amounts of Paneer and mushroom. Just because you are having meat.
I think McDonalds rocks. If given a chance, I would be the person making Fries at McDonalds. Shaking that salt bottle, mixing them with it that large spoon, smelling all that fat. Dream Job.
I think Sherlock got a bad deal. Afterall, how many days can someone eat Bhindi? 1? 2? 10? 40? 100? Three Hundred Sixty Five Only. Sixty Six this year.
And no. I am not bored. I don't want to try new things. And I most definitely do not wish to eat Panneer.
Let's make these things clear. Once and for all.
Please handle us with care.
A Fussy Veg Eater