Bank Bank Ka Maamla
Dealing with banks must be recorded in history as one of the more scarier things one has to do in adult life.
Every experience with banks for me is a cycle:
Today was one of those Bi Annual Bank Days of my life. The case was quite simple.
My name is A.B. Preeks.
This is the story of when I did not have a bank account and I had just joined my first job. Banks were after my life to open an account.
When I finally opened my first bank account, the pretty lady forcing her bank services on me said, what does A.B stand for? I said, Awesome Beautiful. She said, write that on the form.
I tried telling her that I go by A.B. No one even knows the full form. But, no, she wouldn't listen. And for someone like me, who always wanted to keep her money as cash hidden under the bed, the bank was a scary dark monster I didn't know much about. So, there. In capital, bold letters and blue ink I wrote on the form:
AWESOME BEAUTIFUL PREEKS.
And, so everytime the bank sends me a letter, it says:
Hey Awesome. Your salary got credited.
Hey Awesome. Pay your credit card bill.
Its fine. I can live with being awesome. The problem is they then send me a mail saying I need to update them with some documents.
When I do that diligently, they call me to the bank and say, your name is AB Preeks as per your documents. Why on earth did you write Awesome Beautiful Preeks, you narcissistic, petty girl!
I explained about the smart lady who told me to write my full name. They laughed. And proceeded to scrutinize my documents.
Is this her face? She looks different. Is this her sign? She is a definite fraud. How can she have no document with her full name, and yet have a bank account?
When I was almost in tears, they said, "Fine, you made a mistake. We will help you correct it."
Now they made me sign another form. A form that declared that I made a mistake in declaring my name and that my name is actually AB Preeks. Like one of those prisoners in Prisoner's Dilemma, I gave in. I signed.
24 hours later, I get a call saying my name is indeed Awesome Beautiful Preeks and that it will take only divine intervention to change that.
Problems they create. Solutions they give. Problems in the solutions they create. Solutions to problems they created, they give. Problems in solutions to problems they created, they create.
I think I will send them a mail saying, I made a mistake, I have decided to not have a name or a bank account. Ever. I will collect cash under the bed in an old cloth. Or maybe hide some of it in the garden, under the money plant. Or maybe just carry all cash in my bag. Or just spend it all. But, never ever open a bank account again. Sorry, boss.