Skip to main content

Bank Bank Ka Maamla

Dealing with banks must be recorded in history as one of the more scarier things one has to do in adult life. 

Every experience with banks for me is a cycle:



Every time. 

Today was one of those Bi Annual Bank Days of my life. The case was quite simple.

My name is A.B. Preeks. 

This is the story of when I did not have a bank account and I had just joined my first job. Banks were after my life to open an account.

When I finally opened my first bank account, the pretty lady forcing her bank services on me said, what does A.B stand for? I said, Awesome Beautiful. She said, write that on the form.

I tried telling her that I go by A.B. No one even knows the full form. But, no, she wouldn't listen. And for someone like me, who always wanted to keep her money as cash hidden under the bed, the bank was a scary dark monster I didn't know much about. So, there. In capital, bold letters and blue ink I wrote on the form:

AWESOME BEAUTIFUL PREEKS.

And, so everytime the bank sends me a letter, it says:

Hey Awesome. Your salary got credited.

Hey Awesome. Pay your credit card bill.

Etc.

Its fine. I can live with being awesome. The problem is they then send me a mail saying I need to update them with some documents. 

When I do that diligently, they call me to the bank and say, your name is AB Preeks as per your documents. Why on earth did you write Awesome Beautiful Preeks, you narcissistic, petty girl!

I explained about the smart lady who told me to write my full name. They laughed. And proceeded to scrutinize my documents. 

Is this her face? She looks different. Is this her sign? She is a definite fraud. How can she have no document with her full name, and yet have a bank account?

When I was almost in tears, they said, "Fine, you made a mistake. We will help you correct it."

Now they made me sign another form. A form that declared that I made a mistake in declaring my name and that my name is actually AB Preeks. Like one of those prisoners in Prisoner's Dilemma, I gave in. I signed.

24 hours later, I get a call saying my name is indeed Awesome Beautiful Preeks and that it will take only divine intervention to change that.

Problems they create. Solutions they give. Problems in the solutions they create. Solutions to problems they created, they give. Problems in solutions to problems they created, they create.

White flag.

I think I will send them a mail saying, I made a mistake, I have decided to not have a name or a bank account. Ever. I will collect cash under the bed in an old cloth. Or maybe hide some of it in the garden, under the money plant. Or maybe just carry all cash in my bag. Or just spend it all. But, never ever open a bank account again. Sorry, boss.


Comments

  1. Hahaha! I loved this! Awesome, beautiful indeed! :D

    ReplyDelete
  2. Haha... about the sign, it took me so long to perfect that, and make people believe that I AM in fact S.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They scrutinize the sign like we are literally criminals.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Letters to the Upparwalla!

(Wow! BlogAdda made my day! :) ) Prologue: I have been SO so SO so lazy, busy and blank, that I stopped writing posts altogether. But then, on reflection, I thought I owed this one to the unseen forces above. Hence, this post! LETTER #1 To The Gods Above, 1, "All Roads Lead to Heaven" Road, Heaven - 000000 15.06.2010 From Un Faithful Earthling Somewhere on Earth - Does the pin code matter? Sir/Ma'am, SUB: Complaint Regarding Services Rendered             This is to bring to your kind attention, the highly unsatisfactory services being rendered to me, not at all in keeping with the Contract signed during my release to the Earth. Further, I wish to register a complaint regarding the following key issues: Interaction With Irritating People : According to Clause 4 of my Contract which you have also signed, it was mutually agreed by both parties, that during my peaceful stay on Earth, my interaction with irritating peo...

The Truant Family!

The low hanging trees were always in demand. As Raji rushed for the nearest one, with her little brother in her tow, she cast a quick glance at the tree to survey the bounty. It was laden with fresh guavas, alright! Pumped, she put her foot on the lowest branch and pulled herself up. Raji had barely put her foot on the next branch, when she felt a tug on her skirt. Feeling a nudge of irritation, she peered down at her four year old brother. "What is it, Appu?" "Where's my guava?" he demanded. "Will you at least wait while I climb up?" She resumed her climb up carefully, so as not to tear her skirt. The trick was to choose the right branches.She had barely moved up one level, when she felt a tug again. She looked around for the nearest ripe guava and hurled it before Appu could speak.She heard his chuckles of delight as he dug into large juicy bites. That settled, she ensconced in a comfortable branch, and began her feast of the large, ripe guavas. S...

The Battle of the Cities

"Aasmaan Se Tapka, Khajoor Ke Ped Pe Latka" How else would explain my wonderful vacation, moving from one hothouse called Delhi to another called Hyderabad? To be fair, I never thought I was going to a hill-station or Switzerland. But a cooler Hyderabad would have been so much more fun! Cities have their own ways of growing on you. Or of not growing, but clawing at you. Either way, you cannot ignore some cities. Hyderabad is one of them. 20 years, and our love-hate match continues. Day 1 is always the day of the bungle before the war. I emerge from the airport, all optimistic, with brushed up Telugu skills and renewed love for the hometown. Half an hour later, on the top of the long snake-like flyover, enroute to the city, the anger begins to kick in. Conversations with drivers. That's when I realize the war is on. I speak my posh, broken Telugu, and the drivers, their rude, unbroken Telugu. At some point, I try putting up a white flag and shift to Hindi politely. To n...