When Music Causes Pain. Literally.

Maybe, I am not fit to be in this time and age. Maybe, I should have been born 30 years back. Maybe, its weird that I love old Hindi songs.

But, nothing, absolutely nothing, takes away from the fact that Hindi film music has deteriorated to the point of no return. And frankly, nothing justifies the illogicality of the lyrics! Thanks to Bangalore traffic, I do spend a considerable amount of time listening to the radio everyday. And I am appalled at the quality.

Take for instance, this gem of a piece. The very famous, "Chal Beta Selfie Le Le Re". I don't know if you knew these were the lyrics of this song:

Aap ki rahe anukampa
Na darr nahi shanka
Nachenge hum chor
Jogi chalaye koi jantar
Khilega tera antar
Tu aaja guru mantar
Ye le le selfie le le re

Exact Translation:

May your compassion be.

Let there be no fear or doubt.

Us thieves, we will dance

Tantric may run a talisman

Your difference will bloom.

Come, you, advise of the teacher.

Come, let's take a selfie.

I think the lyricist started out with a version of Where the World is Without Fear. Somewhere he realized, Salman Khan needs to dance. So, the serious tone needs to be altered slightly and the word dance must be included. Also, holy cow, Jantar rhymes with mantar rhymes with antar. Lets do "make sentences". By the way, people love taking selfies. Done. And we have a winner song on our hands.

I found another lyricist. This genius attended only one class in English grammar - Adjectives. His song is an overload of descriptions. Check this:

Ni gori tera thumka - bada kinky kinky type da
Ni gori tera jhumka - bada funky funky type da
Kateeli teri ankhiyaan - Jaise nouk nakeeli knife da
Ni gori tera nakhra - Bada hanky panky type da
Dance Basanti.

Translation:

White girl, your hip movement Is very Kinky (Kinky enough to say it twice).

White girl, your earring Is very Funky (Funky enough to say it twice)

Criminal like eyes you have Like an extremely sharp knife.

White girl, your tantrums are very hanky-panky.

So Dance. Basanti. Dance.

Such choicest adjectives. Kinky, hanky, funky. And the conclusion requires an IQ higher than 160 to understand. Since she is kinky, funky and hanky-panky, Basanti has resigned to her fate of dancing, whenever someone says, dance.

Just one last song. This I heard this morning on the radio, much to my horror.

Lalla lalla lori - Daaru Ki Katori
Ab main chhota bachcha nahi, Bournvita peeta nai
Ghadi mein saat baje, I'm on daaru ki katori

The exact translation being:

Lalla lalla lori, Alcohol in a cup

I am not a kid anymore. I don't drink Bournvita.

When the clock strikes 7, I am on Alcohol in a cup.

That famous little lullaby twisted into this. Don't drink Bournvita. It's ok. I also don't like it. But don't kill childhood memories of others, macha. This is not done.

Maybe I should change. Maybe, I should accept all these as the new generations music. Maybe, I should try and write like them.

Aaj office mein kaam hai

Par mera mood nahi hai.

Dede tu Guru Mantar.

Kaam ho jaye chumantar.

Par Jab kinky kinky gaana aaye.

Tab selfie leke jaaye.

Now, for some bad music to this. Anyone?

Cheers

Preeks