Skip to main content

How Hard Is It to Change?

It's been so long since I wrote a cathartic post. It's been worth the wait!

So much is changing around me. I am afraid to breathe out, lest it results in butterfly effect and some other change that will take the carpet away from under me.

In the characteristic ax on the foot style or pair pe kulhadi style, I asked for some changes. I quit my job because I wanted to explore doing something of my own, learn something new, try something different. It's been a month and it's been good. I have struggled, enjoyed, found good work to do.  But it's a change, nonetheless. Every once in a while, I can hear the cells in my body screaming to me saying, "Did you not know how change resistant we are? What did you think when you did this? That we will celebrate with wine?"

I ignore the screams and go about doing what I set out to do. Then I see a mail from the bank about account balance. And I can feel those cells getting together and glaring at me. That's the time when it occurs to me that all those clickbait articles about "5 Signs You Are Ready to Quit Your Job" and "How I quit my job and stayed happy forever" aren't really meant for everyone.

I also decided to study. Another change I asked for. This one is ok. My body is also excited about this. We can't wait for this to start in September. Except when it is time to pay the fees and do all the adult things like applying for visas. Then the change resistant cells tip my balance and scare me out of my wits, giving me lectures about how change within a certain limit is ok, but how major changes require permissions from the body committee, that meets once in a mid-life crisis.

The change I never asked for was my sister moving abroad. I first set my eyes on my niece five minutes after she was born. She's now six. At the cost of sounding like an emotional fool, I never thought I could love anyone so much. And now she is far away. I can literally feel my breathe being sucked away every time I think about how I will not see her every month. I just cannot fathom this distance. Waiting for time to do it's magic. Only on me, not on her. I don't want her to forget me.

Why are some people like this? So comfortable in their cocoon, happy with status quo, change resistant?

I wish I was detached. I wish I could just move on. I wish I could embrace change. I wish my article was the one titled "How my life changed overnight and how much I loved the experience." But it's not.  Because I am normal.

Atleast that's one thing that hasn't changed.


Comments

  1. it is very difficult for me .. I just cant manage to do that .. Good luck to you
    and I am sure your neice will remember you always :)

    Bikram's

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hope you come to cope with these changes sooner than later.

    The fight for 'survival' will make you think really quick and make you really agile...you'll surprise yourself I'm sure.

    About dealing with distance...I think that's usually tough to negotiate. Make good use of technology to keep in touch.

    Hugs,
    CRD

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hugs Preeks!! I have been there.. So could totally relate to you..I hope that you are in a happy place now.. Whatever emotions that you are through, the change would help you grow into a person whom you wanted to be.. especially if you are following your passion.. If you fail once, you will still learn as you are moving towards being a person whom you wanted to be..And when things are not so happy in your changed place you can always switch back to your comfort zone..

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Them 90s Things - 1 - iTV Music Channel

Starting a random series of all things from a 90s childhood, just so I have a record of these memories for posterity. Do you remember a channel called iTV?  The 1999 Cricket World Cup was when our extremely middle-class, government quarters colony rose to the challenge of cable tv. Till then, we were happily adjusting our antennas and watching wholesome family entertainment on the two channels of DD1 and DD2. Then came the cable wale bhaiya, with his fancy earring, a few TV guides stacked under his arms along with long ropes of cable, promising unlimited entertainment for the entire colony. And just like that, we all got lured. Cable TV bought with it a lot of changes, many of which I assume will get covered in this series. But, today's post is about 1 particular memory which every 90s kid can relate to. A huge letter I revolving on the TV in anticipation of a new song being chosen. Yep. The iTV generation. Not MTv. It was all about iTV. I still don't know what that channel was

Drumrolls and All That

In crass Hindi, this moment would have been aptly defined as "Laut ke buddhu, ghar ko aaye".  Exact translation would mount to "Fools return home" and that's what this post is. So, after taking a break from work, doing a second Masters, getting a job in Singapore and moving countries, I am back on the blog.  Who would have thunk? An year back, I had no idea this is what I would be doing in an year. But then again, do we know what we will be doing an year from now?  Lesson learnt. No planning, no guessing.  Just keep exploring, keep doing new things, keep learning, keep meeting new people. Things will happen. Trust. Like a fool (who returned home!) So, while I discover this part of my life, Singapore, I thought I need the blog more than the blog needs me. Because moving countries is not in the least as glamorous as it sounds.  There's the whole deal with selling all belongings which you have hoarded lovingly over the years. A

Letters to the Upparwalla!

(Wow! BlogAdda made my day! :) ) Prologue: I have been SO so SO so lazy, busy and blank, that I stopped writing posts altogether. But then, on reflection, I thought I owed this one to the unseen forces above. Hence, this post! LETTER #1 To The Gods Above, 1, "All Roads Lead to Heaven" Road, Heaven - 000000 15.06.2010 From Un Faithful Earthling Somewhere on Earth - Does the pin code matter? Sir/Ma'am, SUB: Complaint Regarding Services Rendered             This is to bring to your kind attention, the highly unsatisfactory services being rendered to me, not at all in keeping with the Contract signed during my release to the Earth. Further, I wish to register a complaint regarding the following key issues: Interaction With Irritating People : According to Clause 4 of my Contract which you have also signed, it was mutually agreed by both parties, that during my peaceful stay on Earth, my interaction with irritating people would be kept to as minimum as possi